A SMOKY MOUNTAIN TALL TALE
When I was a child, about your age, I lived in a log cabin on the edge of the Great Smoky Mountains.
One morning, as I looked in the mirror, I discovered something terrible. There was a wart on the end of my nose! I raced to my mother.
“This is just awful. It’s horrible. Do something, please. Now. I can’t stand it. This is unbearable. What will people say? This is the end. My life is over. Finished.”
My mother said, “First of all, stop whining. And then, you’ll need to go up to the top of the Great Smoky Mountain and find the Conjur Man and ask him what to do.”
So I started up the trail and pretty soon it started to rain, or it come on to rainin, as we say. It rained and it rained and the trail began to get muddy. And it kept on raining and the mud got deeper and it was getting harder to lift my feet. Finally, it got so muddy that I couldn’t move my feet at all and I just stood there wondering how I was going to get moving again.
Then I saw a big tree above me on the trail that was coming loose from all the rain. Slowly, it started to topple, coming right toward me. I tried to get out of the way but I couldn’t move my feet. The tree was just about to hit me when -- CRACK -- a bolt of lightning split that tree right in half. And that’s what saved my life, because half of that tree fell to my left side and half fell to my right side, or maybe it was the other way around. I forget. By then, there was so much rain that the whole hillside started moving, carrying the tree and the mud and me back down the hill.
When it stopped raining and the sun came out, I cleaned off some of the mud and started back up the trail. I was able to get past the muddy part and up onto the rocky part of the mountain. The trail went out near a cliff and got steeper and steeper and I was having trouble keeping my balance when suddenly -- CRACK -- the rock I was standing on broke loose and I was sliding down toward the cliff. Just as I was about to go over, I saw a small hole in the rock, about the size of my finger, and I quickly jammed my finger into that hole. The rest of me went on over the cliff and there I was, dangling in space with just one finger keeping me from falling into the valley. And that finger was getting tired.
I couldn’t hold on much longer. Well, I didn’t know it yet, but behind that little hole my finger was jammed into, was a tiny cave, just big enough for a Smoky Mountain rattlesnake. And just as my finger got so tired I was about to give up and drop off, that snake bit my finger. And that’s what saved my life. With the snake biting, my finger couldn’t possibly come out of the hole.
So I just dangled there. I couldn’t fall off and I couldn’t get back onto the cliff. I tried and tried to swing one leg back up to the edge so I could crawl back onto the ledge but I couldn’t quite swing my leg high enough.
Then I saw a Smoky Mountain hawk gliding serenely back and forth and after a while it just happened to sail right under me and just as it got beneath me, I put one foot on its back and that gave me just enough of a boost that I could swing my other foot up back onto the ledge.
And there I was on the edge of the cliff barely able to move, with one finger stuck in a hole in the cliff being bitten by a snake.
Now, there’s something about a Smoky Mountain rattlesnake that maybe you haven’t learned yet and that is, if you scratch the snake under the jaw while it’s biting you, it will draw the pizen back out and let go. I finally found a way to reach round in back with my other hand and scratch the snake under the jaw and sure enough it drew the pizen all back and opened its mouth. So, I thanked the snake for saving my life and stood up again.
I got back on the trail and after a while I got to the top of the Great Smoky Mountain. There was mist and fog and smoke. I couldn’t see much of anything. I called out, “Conjur Man.” Nothing happened. I called louder, “Conjur Man!”. Still nothing happened so I called as loud as I could, “CONJUR MAN!”
Finally, I saw a little old man coming out of the mist. He came right up to me, waved his cane in my face, and said, “What do you want?”
“Mr. Conjur Man, sir,” I said, “I’ve got this wart on the end of my nose.”
“Yes, I see it. Looks kind of cute.”
“No, Mr. Conjur Man, you don’t understand. You see, I’d like to get rid of this wart.”
“Oh, you want to get rid of it? Well, in that case you’ll have to stop telling fibs. You must have told some whoppers to get a wart that size.”
I thanked the Conjur Man for this advice and started back down the trail. Then I saw a Smoky Mountain bear. And it started chasing me. I ran as fast as I could but the bear was gaining on me. I grabbed onto a tree and started climbing. Up in the tree I thought I would be safe. But the bear started climbing up the tree after me. I climbed higher and higher but the bear kept on coming. As I got near the top of the tree, the branches got smaller and smaller and then there was a – CRACK – as the branch I was holding onto broke and I was falling through the air.
But as I was falling, the bear grabbed me in a great bear hug and kept me from crashing into the valley. But then there was another – CRACK – and the branch the bear was on couldn’t take the combined weight and we were both falling through the air.
We landed in a Smoky Mountain stream. The bear landed first and that’s what saved my life because the bear was soft and cushioned my fall. We tumbled and bumped and floated down this Smoky Mountain stream and finally drifted out into a Smoky Mountain lake.
In the middle of the lake was a Smoky Mountain catfish. Now this was not one of your big Smoky Mountain catfish. This was a medium-sized Smoky Mountain catfish, about forty feet long. As we drifted out, it opened its mouth, causing a small wave, which swept us right into the catfish. And there we were, inside this Smoky Mountain catfish and I turned to the bear and said, “What do we do now?” And do you know what the bear said? Nothing. The bear was asleep! Just when I needed it most, it fell asleep.
Now there’s something about a Smoky Mountain catfish that maybe you haven’t learned yet. If you knock three times on the mouth of a Smoky Mountain catfish, it will open. Did you know that? I didn’t know if it would work from the inside. I crawled, hands and feet, back to the mouth and knocked three times on the roof of the mouth. It opened and let me out.
I swam back to shore but then I thought about the bear. I can’t just leave him there asleep. That bear saved my life. I have to do something.
Now there’s something about a Smoky Mountain bear that maybe you haven’t learned yet. If a Smoky Mountain bear is sleeping and you want to wake it up, you use flowers. Did you know that? Well, you do now. I climbed back up the mountain and found some rhododendron blossoms and took them back down to the Smoky Mountain lake and swam with one hand out of the water, holding the flowers. When I got to the Smoky Mountain catfish, I knocked three times. It opened up and I went inside and found the bear, still sleeping. I waved the blossoms under his nose and sure enough he woke up. We crawled back up to the mouth, hands and feet and feet and feet, and knocked three times again. The mouth opened and we swam to shore.
I said goodbye to the bear and waved goodbye to the catfish. The bear went up the mountain and I went down the mountain and came home. I told my mother everything that had happened and she said, “Well, normally, I wouldn’t believe a word of a story like that but I have to admit, the wart is gone from the end of your nose.”
And from that day to this, I have never told another fib, or lie, or story, or fairy tale, or make-believe. And if you don’t believe me, look and see if there’s a wart on the end of my nose.
When I was a child, about your age, I lived in a log cabin on the edge of the Great Smoky Mountains.
One morning, as I looked in the mirror, I discovered something terrible. There was a wart on the end of my nose! I raced to my mother.
“This is just awful. It’s horrible. Do something, please. Now. I can’t stand it. This is unbearable. What will people say? This is the end. My life is over. Finished.”
My mother said, “First of all, stop whining. And then, you’ll need to go up to the top of the Great Smoky Mountain and find the Conjur Man and ask him what to do.”
So I started up the trail and pretty soon it started to rain, or it come on to rainin, as we say. It rained and it rained and the trail began to get muddy. And it kept on raining and the mud got deeper and it was getting harder to lift my feet. Finally, it got so muddy that I couldn’t move my feet at all and I just stood there wondering how I was going to get moving again.
Then I saw a big tree above me on the trail that was coming loose from all the rain. Slowly, it started to topple, coming right toward me. I tried to get out of the way but I couldn’t move my feet. The tree was just about to hit me when -- CRACK -- a bolt of lightning split that tree right in half. And that’s what saved my life, because half of that tree fell to my left side and half fell to my right side, or maybe it was the other way around. I forget. By then, there was so much rain that the whole hillside started moving, carrying the tree and the mud and me back down the hill.
When it stopped raining and the sun came out, I cleaned off some of the mud and started back up the trail. I was able to get past the muddy part and up onto the rocky part of the mountain. The trail went out near a cliff and got steeper and steeper and I was having trouble keeping my balance when suddenly -- CRACK -- the rock I was standing on broke loose and I was sliding down toward the cliff. Just as I was about to go over, I saw a small hole in the rock, about the size of my finger, and I quickly jammed my finger into that hole. The rest of me went on over the cliff and there I was, dangling in space with just one finger keeping me from falling into the valley. And that finger was getting tired.
I couldn’t hold on much longer. Well, I didn’t know it yet, but behind that little hole my finger was jammed into, was a tiny cave, just big enough for a Smoky Mountain rattlesnake. And just as my finger got so tired I was about to give up and drop off, that snake bit my finger. And that’s what saved my life. With the snake biting, my finger couldn’t possibly come out of the hole.
So I just dangled there. I couldn’t fall off and I couldn’t get back onto the cliff. I tried and tried to swing one leg back up to the edge so I could crawl back onto the ledge but I couldn’t quite swing my leg high enough.
Then I saw a Smoky Mountain hawk gliding serenely back and forth and after a while it just happened to sail right under me and just as it got beneath me, I put one foot on its back and that gave me just enough of a boost that I could swing my other foot up back onto the ledge.
And there I was on the edge of the cliff barely able to move, with one finger stuck in a hole in the cliff being bitten by a snake.
Now, there’s something about a Smoky Mountain rattlesnake that maybe you haven’t learned yet and that is, if you scratch the snake under the jaw while it’s biting you, it will draw the pizen back out and let go. I finally found a way to reach round in back with my other hand and scratch the snake under the jaw and sure enough it drew the pizen all back and opened its mouth. So, I thanked the snake for saving my life and stood up again.
I got back on the trail and after a while I got to the top of the Great Smoky Mountain. There was mist and fog and smoke. I couldn’t see much of anything. I called out, “Conjur Man.” Nothing happened. I called louder, “Conjur Man!”. Still nothing happened so I called as loud as I could, “CONJUR MAN!”
Finally, I saw a little old man coming out of the mist. He came right up to me, waved his cane in my face, and said, “What do you want?”
“Mr. Conjur Man, sir,” I said, “I’ve got this wart on the end of my nose.”
“Yes, I see it. Looks kind of cute.”
“No, Mr. Conjur Man, you don’t understand. You see, I’d like to get rid of this wart.”
“Oh, you want to get rid of it? Well, in that case you’ll have to stop telling fibs. You must have told some whoppers to get a wart that size.”
I thanked the Conjur Man for this advice and started back down the trail. Then I saw a Smoky Mountain bear. And it started chasing me. I ran as fast as I could but the bear was gaining on me. I grabbed onto a tree and started climbing. Up in the tree I thought I would be safe. But the bear started climbing up the tree after me. I climbed higher and higher but the bear kept on coming. As I got near the top of the tree, the branches got smaller and smaller and then there was a – CRACK – as the branch I was holding onto broke and I was falling through the air.
But as I was falling, the bear grabbed me in a great bear hug and kept me from crashing into the valley. But then there was another – CRACK – and the branch the bear was on couldn’t take the combined weight and we were both falling through the air.
We landed in a Smoky Mountain stream. The bear landed first and that’s what saved my life because the bear was soft and cushioned my fall. We tumbled and bumped and floated down this Smoky Mountain stream and finally drifted out into a Smoky Mountain lake.
In the middle of the lake was a Smoky Mountain catfish. Now this was not one of your big Smoky Mountain catfish. This was a medium-sized Smoky Mountain catfish, about forty feet long. As we drifted out, it opened its mouth, causing a small wave, which swept us right into the catfish. And there we were, inside this Smoky Mountain catfish and I turned to the bear and said, “What do we do now?” And do you know what the bear said? Nothing. The bear was asleep! Just when I needed it most, it fell asleep.
Now there’s something about a Smoky Mountain catfish that maybe you haven’t learned yet. If you knock three times on the mouth of a Smoky Mountain catfish, it will open. Did you know that? I didn’t know if it would work from the inside. I crawled, hands and feet, back to the mouth and knocked three times on the roof of the mouth. It opened and let me out.
I swam back to shore but then I thought about the bear. I can’t just leave him there asleep. That bear saved my life. I have to do something.
Now there’s something about a Smoky Mountain bear that maybe you haven’t learned yet. If a Smoky Mountain bear is sleeping and you want to wake it up, you use flowers. Did you know that? Well, you do now. I climbed back up the mountain and found some rhododendron blossoms and took them back down to the Smoky Mountain lake and swam with one hand out of the water, holding the flowers. When I got to the Smoky Mountain catfish, I knocked three times. It opened up and I went inside and found the bear, still sleeping. I waved the blossoms under his nose and sure enough he woke up. We crawled back up to the mouth, hands and feet and feet and feet, and knocked three times again. The mouth opened and we swam to shore.
I said goodbye to the bear and waved goodbye to the catfish. The bear went up the mountain and I went down the mountain and came home. I told my mother everything that had happened and she said, “Well, normally, I wouldn’t believe a word of a story like that but I have to admit, the wart is gone from the end of your nose.”
And from that day to this, I have never told another fib, or lie, or story, or fairy tale, or make-believe. And if you don’t believe me, look and see if there’s a wart on the end of my nose.